Derrick Doesn't Dance, Pippen Pwns Bieber, And Other All-Star WKND Odds and Ends
Just a couple of bros talking about how to we-in, presumably.
Listen: we could talk about overzealous MVP gunnin', LBJ's phony mic-on-me pep talk, or Kenny Smith's wife all day, but all of that amounts to nothing more than fine print. One question hung over this All-Star Game like a dark, brooding cloud: when Derrick Rose's name was announced, would the Bulls introverted point guard drop it like it's hot or not drop it at all? The answer, as you could have guessed, was the latter. Looks like that grainy YouTube video was a fake after all.
Rose kinda smiled, kinda waved, and mostly just looked bored. On the plus side, at least he didn't look out of place. Lenny Kravitz killed the mood for just about everyone, forcing even the most charismatic superstars to bust out unrefined air guitar skills in place of the standard "You Got Served" homage. LeBron looked extra awkward.
Really, D. Rose treated the entire All-Star experience like a kid forced to do chores around the house. It was work for the sake of work, with no gold at the end of the rainbow. "Disinterested" doesn't even cover it. He looked aggressively spiritless. Maybe Rose had a little two-day hangover action goin' on? Patrick Kane could not be reached for comment.
-- This was the worst.
We'll leave it at that.
-- Tom Ziller on Rose's Skills Challenge performance:
Rose was on record pace at the start thanks to his unreal foot speed and impressive skill set. But about midway through, Rose realized he was too good, and actively slowed down. He even feigned confusion approaching the dribble cones! There was a giant arrow stuck to the floor, and Rose is the reigning champ, and he's getting lost? PFFT.
-- Rose placed fourth in Simmons' annual trade value column. He was eighth last year.
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Pippen rejects Beiber: While Rose was busy partying with social media savvy strippers, there was a basketball game going on in LA Friday night. It featured a matchup for the ages: Scottie Pippen versus Justin Bieber. It was as one-sided as you'd expect.
From the brief moments I caught of that abortion of a basketball game, Pippen still looked legitimately good. Whereas Mitch Richmond appeared to be on the Michael Sweetney diet, Pip moved well and seemed to be in flawless shape. He finished with a game-high 17 points. Of course, fan voting meant Bieber still stole Pippen's MVP. At least he felt guilty about it.
Also, Benny put Bieber in a sleeper hold on Sunday.
Best mascot by far.
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Dunk contest: I'm out on the car dunk, but everything else was pretty great. DeRozan got hosed, Ibaka's honest-to-god free throw line dunk was mega-impressive yet boring, and JaVale McGee really should have stopped fucking around and just dunked four balls and then five balls. Still, it doesn't get any better than this.
Damn, his misses are so much better than his makes. It's offensive to me as a human being that we still don't have an entire Tumblr dedicated to his almost-dunks.