Derrick Rose *Really* Doesn't Want To Dance At The All-Star Game
"Can't stop 'til I see my name on a blimp."
Nothing is quite as self-patronizing as the starting lineup introductions at the NBA All-Star Game; no NBA superstar is less interested in soaking in the gleam of the off-court spotlight than Derrick Rose. With Rose now officially installed at point in the East's loaded starting five, an entirely unavoidable question popped over the weekend: when the starters do their customary fancy footwork, will Rose join in?
The answer, resoundingly, is "oh please no". Straight out of the Best Story Ever Department comes D. Rose's long pontification on why he won't be getting jiggy with it at the Staples Center in a couple weeks. His dread sounds sincere.
"I'm not doing that," Rose said before Friday night's game against the Orlando Magic. "I'm ... not ... doing ... that. No, I'm not dancing. They'll be mad. I'm not doing that. That's just ... Oh my God."A couple things here: a) Hahahahaha, and b) I can't wait 'til someone tries bullying him into doing this. What's up, Dwight Howard?
"All of us like to do that. Derrick? Uh... that's going to be tough. We've got to come up with something real interesting this year. ... We're usually pretty good at that kind of stuff. We have to break the ice. Derrick has to get himself out there. So we're going to try something."
Oh man, this could get Eisenberg Awkward. Fortunately, TUP has a few important dancing pro-tips for our man Derrick. You tell him, Franco!
-- Learn From History. Shaq's choreographed introduction with the Jabbawockeez in 2009 is the gold-standard for All-Star booty shakin'. A dozen trained professionals can do wonders.
-- Seek Outside Aid. I know we all have our own favorite instructional dance video, but personally, I've always been a big "Diane Horner's Country Hip Hop" guy. These moves are so fresh.
-- Confide In Friends. If everything else fails, just ask Joakim Noah for advice. Dude's got crazy moves.
Now get out there Derrick and get down. And don't forget: we're all watching you.