The Ballad of Ricky-Bobby: Closers, Posers, And Why Baseball Sucks Sometimes

Note: Ricky-Bobby is BACK, bitch!


Reason 4,493 why I hate baseball: when managers stick to their guns with a closer when it's clear that a) he's struggling, and b) there are much better options.

BOBBY: This really isn't as much about Bobby Jenks as you'd think (though he certainly inspired it). But is Bobby worse than he was in his prime? Yes. Is he washed up? Nah. The situation is frustrating though because J.J. Putz is breathing down his neck, and Matt Thorton isn't too far off, either.

What I don't understand is why baseball can't use a 'closers by committee' method. Or, maybe more logically, be a little more fickle when it comes to a pitcher's death grip on the team's closer role. It seems like every spring training, fans -- even stupid ones like, oh I don't know, me -- can point to at least five MLB teams and say, "Guy X will start the year as their closer but Guy Y will finish the year in that role." And it's not a matter of Guy Y's development, it's simply the marginal guy (Guy X) blowing a bunch of important games before the more talented guy can "justifiably" step into the closer's role. And I think this is stupid because it doesn't have to be this way. In the NFL (God of All Gods Best Sport Ever), this never happens. It's always the best guy out there. Always. They're cold like that. Maybe baseball has too much loyalty. You certainly see that type of crap with NHL goalies all the time. And those teams shoot themselves in the foot just as much as MLB teams do.

I asked my buddy Matt Cox (baseball historian/Cubs fan/thinks baseball is a real sport) his take on the situation -- Why Jenks over Putz when Putz has pitched better? -- and he said:

Because Jenks is a closer and Putz has floated between a few teams filling out different bullpen roles. You go with the guy who has a history. The guy who can handle the stress. That's what makes Mariano Rivera so good. The guy only has ONE PITCH, but he walks out to the mound cool and confident."

But Putz was an ALL-STAR closer....

And then he was not very good for the Mets. Relief pitchers are hard to figure out. They can go from Hall of Fame to horrible just like that. Until Jenks completely implodes, it makes more sense to go with the guy who has the better 9th inning track record."

Matt also talked about what a lot of people talk about when discussing criteria for a good closer: being able to handle high pressure situations. But.. why is every save so immensely high pressure? Isn't there a point, like maybe after your 100th time doing it, where you can go in, use your adrenaline, and just rely on your stuff to not suck? Are you that much more nervous in the 9th than the 8th? Are we not all professionals here?

Call me crazy, but I think Putz deserves a shot. Maybe not forever, but I think it'd be interesting to see Ozzie go with him until he simply blows a save. Then he can give it back to Jenks or re-decide from there. I hope this isn't an issue of either guy losing confidence, because that's just ridiculous. Just pitch the damn ball. Get guys out.

(Ugh, maybe I'm the stupid one here.)

RICKY: First off: I can't believe we're talking about Bobby Jenks on KURT THOMAS DAY. Of all days! Can't we banish baseball to weekend posts only, when nobody's reading, or something?

You know I'm only joking. Baseball is fun and interesting and stuff, although it probably is my third favorite sport. But please let the record show that, no matter how much I ignore it, I do like the sport. The man up top acts as TUP's lone baseball shine blocka. I think I've figured out your problem with baseball, though. Or, rather, my friend Pauli did. Introducing Pauli's BASEBALL THEORY, kind of like my Transformers Theory, only with less face-punching robots punching one another in the face. Sadly.

Pauli's theory: baseball is at it's most interesting when the season is over, to see how did we got where we ended up.

For example: let's say Rios goes 40/40 this year (improbable because he's at 16 homers and 23 steals through 89 games so far, but work with me). Now 40/40, that's interesting! A totally great, totally memorable season, correct? Only two players have ever done it: A-Rod in '98, Canseco in '88. And because baseball exists within a hard reality (as one of my favorite Klosterman essay's ever points out), this accomplishment becomes even more meaningful. Baseball is the only sport where the numbers actually matter. Outside of maybe a 2,000-yard rushing season, the sack record, and a single-season touchdown-throwing record, do you care at all about football stats? Do you even know the difference between 2,500 passing yards and 3,200? Probably not, because why would you care? This is because football is more interesting in the moment.  And by that I mean: from the time hike is called to the time the play is officially blown dead.

Would anyone ever say the interesting/exciting aspect of baseball is "action" part of it? Probably not, unless we're talking about a really crucial situation.

But, Bobby Jenks? I think I said my peace on him yesterday. It'll be very interesting to see what happens tonight, though, if the Sox are sporting a one, two, or three run lead going into the ninth. You can't possibly put Jenks out there, can you? To Ozzie's credit, he did say after Wednesday's fail that he's going closer by committee for the time being. 

BOBBY: While I would have liked to talk about Kurt Thomas or maybe even the T-Mac rumors, you've given me too much to think about to stop talking about baseball now.

There are three things -- in order -- that I love about baseball. 1) The White Sox, 2) A-Rod, and 3) The Yankees (not legitimately, but more in a bandwagon/fake/funny way). These three things are the best. Jermaine Dye is reason 0 because he is now in heaven and I love him. But as someone who legitimately was going to quit baseball fandom forever before the Sox turned it around -- no drama or overreaction, I was really on the verge -- I think I've learned four main reasons I dislike baseball so much sometimes.

4) Bad baseball is unfathomably terrible to watch: Seriously, remember when the Cubs and Sox sucked at the beginning of this year? The city was like a baseball abyss. Everyone was either indifferent or 'Hawks crazy. We obviously chose the latter. But man... when baseball is bad, it is bad. Ever look at the stats for a bad team? Everybody sucks. The pitchers blow, the whole lineup doesn't feature a batter that can even sniff .300, and they lose so many games. Even when the Lions notoriously went 0-16, they only lost 16 games. The 2009 Washington Nationals lost 103 games last year. ONE HUNDRED AND THREE GAMES!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! THAT'S SO MANY. How could you live in a 30-minute radius of that team and not want to kill yourself? Impossible.

Keeping the DC example going, just look at the Wizards. They may be lottery bound again next year, but even if they lose more than they win, Wiz fans will have the pleasure of watching John Wall play basketball for a full season. And when he's on the court, he's 1/5th of the team. And that's what makes the NBA so cool to me. One great player makes the experience great.

There are, like, eight good baseball teams to watch, and three of them play in the AL East. Slim pickens most of the time.

3) Advanced statistics ruin everything for me: There are usually two camps with this stuff: 1) the people who know the advanced statistics and use them and look down on the people who refuse to change, or 2) the old-school people who refuse to change and label the SABR people as geeks.

While option one is clearly better than option two, I think I fall in a third camp: I recognize advanced stastics as the superior method, but I just do not understand them. I blame this on my lack of math skills and general indifference. But seriously, even if I tried my hardest, I feel like I could only understand five-ish advanced stats. I'm not blaming the stats, I'm blaming myself. And it's a terrible situation because I a) don't know enough to keep up with the stat-based people, and b) know enough to be offended when the old-school people talk about grit, hustle, white people, and batting averages. It's basically like being in a baseball fan purgatory. And it blowwwws.

2) Traditions that are bad: The manager-ump arguments. The horrible delays. The infinite time outs. Wrigley Field. MLB's lack of sense when it comes to the Internet's existence. Refusal to add replay. Arrogance. Stuffiness. Bug Selig. None of these are worth going into. I'm already fed up.

1) With baseball, you're ultimately rooting for black-and-white success or failure: Being a fan of any team in any sport is, in essence, black and white. You want your team to win, and you don't want them to lose. But I feel like it's much more defined in baseball than any other sport. When Tom Brady drops back to pass, as a fan, you can think about his reads, where the pressure is coming from, whether he should run or not, or about nine other things. When Derrick Rose is bringing the ball up the court, you can think about his aggressiveness, if he'll drive, pass, or shoot, the way he's seeing the floor, the way his teammates are coming off screens. And while your 'thoughts' obviously don't have a tangible effect on the game, it makes the experience a lot more fun. In baseball, you pretty much root for pass/fail at the plate. Did he get a hit or didn't he? You're rooting for gaudy numbers and career years. And when they don't happen, it's kind of sad.

As a fan, it makes me feel stupid. I get the same vibe when I'm watching hockey sometimes. I don't know how the plays are developing or the little intricacies of the game, but I do know that we just scored a goal! Yayyyy. It's a humbling feeling.

I've also recently really developed a distaste for watching my team pitch and field when they're losing. In no other sport is it physically impossible to score during half the game. It's odd. It does make baseball kind of unique and cool, but it sucks when you're losing.

But whatever, the Sox are two games up, we're the best.

RICKY: I started covering high school baseball this past spring for a local newspaper. If you think major league baseball sucks....holy hell, watch high school kids play it.

The games last, approximately, forever. If there's a good pitcher on the mound -- like Minooka's Mike Foltynewicz, the 16th overall pick by the Astros this year -- the opposing team isn't even coming close to making contact. There's tons of errors. Even scoring the game - seriously, who scores a baseball game in 2010? -- is kind of a pain.

The most jarring thing about covering those high school games is how simple it all is, though. Forget OPS+ and VORP, the managers of a lot of those teams don't even have their kids' batting averages. It's kind of just: pitch the ball, hit the ball, catch the ball. No radar gun, no on-base percentage, no cool graphics.

I'm sure that's a big part of the appeal of the sport to a lot of people, but I found it pretty boring. Now high school hoops, on the other hand: totally awesome. Watching CPS games is like watching the Warriors play the Suns in 2005, only multiplied by one million. Tons of dunks, tons of turnovers, usually one kid kicking ass, everyone playing at breakneck speed, the vague sense of violence at every turn. Like I said, totally awesome.

You make some good points about baseball, but it's obviously all so personal. I'm sure your bro Matt can come up with a list of reasons why he thinks baseball is the best sport. I would assume your counter-argument would be "math, white people" and, well, that's a hell of an argument, but I doubt it'll convince many white people.

We can all agree watching a bad baseball team sucks. That's a no-brainer. But that's also part of the beauty of our White Sox: there's always kind of in it, whether it's peddle to the metal or one foot in the water. I'm going to watch a lot more Sox games now that Blog-a-'Bron is over, and I'm really excited about that. I really do like this team: Alexei is hilarious and fun to watch, Rios is a five-tool force, Juan Pierre remains completely, 100 percent Juan Pierre, and Q!'s resurgence has been astounding.

So I think you're giving baseball a bad wrap: it's not that bad, at least when you have stats and dumb announcers to distract you. That being said, I have way more thoughts about Kurt Thomas than Bobby Jenks right now, so maybe I shouldn't even be talking.