Imprison Ben Nelms, aka the 'Favre Ad Guy'

by Ricky O'Donnell on March 3 at 2:48AM

Barry Petchesky and Deadspin earn an A+ for their work yesterday shedding some light and grabbing some facts on the Minnesota man who placed a full-page, color ad in a Mississippi newspaper urging Brett Favre to return to the Vikings next season.

If you haven't heard about this already, trust me: it's not as bad as it seems, it's worse.

Here's the ad. Click to enlarge.

The important details:

a) The guy who took out the ad is Ben Nelms, a 39-year old Vikings/Houston Oilers fan (of course?) from Madison, Wisc.

b) The ad will run in a Monday paper and cost $1719.90. He paid an extra $661.50 to have the ad run in purple. Nelms said the ad costs "twice as much as season tickets".

c) From the Minnesota Star Tribune:

(Nelms) hadn't attended a Vikings game in person for nearly 15 years before going to the Vikings/49ers game this past season that became famous for Favre's last-second hook-up with Greg Lewis.

I know what you're thinking: if Weezy is only serving a year in prison for handgun possession, Ben Nelms deserves a far more ruthless sentence. Suggestions go below! I was kind of thinking water boarding.

I mean seriously, who does something like this?

The answer, of course, is Favre Fans, a group of humans that unfortunately exist and share no connection to the world I live in. Make no mistake, these are the same people that love Reed Johnson, think "chemistry" outweighs talent, and almost certainly have a family history filled with incest. Yes, men like Ben Nelms are the worst men around. I mean this sincerely.

And, oh man, we haven't been gotten to the meat and potatoes of Mr. Nelms' love letter yet.

My favorite part:

Which is loosely translated to "puke, puke, puke, puke, barf, puke, barf, ralph, vomit."

But I will give Nelms some credit: rarely do we see the words "bro" and "gosh darn it" just 47 words apart. Impressive, I guess.

So why did Nelms do this?

"I don't want to guilt him into coming back. I don't want him to read it and say, 'Oh, no,' " Nelms said. "But I hope that if he's on the fence, this can be a piece of wind that pushes him back onto our side."

Ah. It all makes sense.

4 Comments | Leave a comment

Condor | March 3, 2010 12:15 PM | Reply

That was a great rant, gosh darn it

BobbyStompy | March 3, 2010 12:16 PM | Reply

My newest Favre pet peeve is the "Love him or hate him, he makes the league more interesting!" line. It's stupid because a) it tries to put everyone under the same umbrella with one opinion, and b) tries to spin Favre's impact on the league in a purely positive way. When you try to dispute it, people are like "Oh really? He's not interesting?! Would you rather have Favre or Tarvaris Jackson start for the Vikings next year?!"

Are you KIDDING me?! Jackson! 1000x over! I am a Bears fan! I care about winning games and enjoying football as a sport. Not watching dickheads on SportsCenter every week. Let's learn about new players, interesting players, players who deserve our coverage/time/the spotlight.

Even the great MJD busted the line out yesterday: "Favre, like him or don't like him, certainly makes for a more interesting league..."

Pass.

Anonymous | March 3, 2010 6:02 PM | Reply

Favre abuses painkillers, his wife, and my happiness.

Here's to hoping those duesches draft Tebow so Favre can ruin his "career".

jeff ircink | March 3, 2010 8:13 PM | Reply

you guys would kill the dog that saved your lives. you're all pathetic. and i'm a Favre fan and there's been no incest in my family...i want an apology. course, being from Chicago, Ricky...that says a lot. choo choo's.

Imprison Ben Nelms, aka the 'Favre Ad Guy'

4 Comments | Leave a comment

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