Favoritism In The NFL Final Four 2010

A longstanding Tremendous Upside Potential tradition...

So how 'bout them NFL playoffs? Kinda crappy, kinda good. I love how each weekend's last game has been pretty intriguing, so it leaves us a really nice memory of the three other crappy games as we go into the following Monday. The blowouts aren't worth complaining about, though. I love close and competitive football as much as the next guy, but sometimes a team putting on a clinic can be just as entertaining (see: Saints over Cardinals). Granted, it's a bit tainted if you hate one of the teams (see: Vikings over Cowboys).

It's no matter. Our stage is set, so it's time to rank the NFL's final four in terms of my petty and biased-filled rooting interests. As usual, we go least to greatest.

4) Minnesota Vikings

And we're off to an easy start. Rickhouse and I have both beaten it to death this year, but man -- this is probably the most hateable team in the NFL. This isn't some Bears-Vikings rivalry bullshit, either. Historically, I've been a regular Vikings supporter (they lose all the time and it's funny), but that support has corroded this season.

Cool player to get behind? Surprisingly, like, a ton. But Percy Harvin is fast and gets migraines (funny), so he takes this section with authority.

Is Brett Favre on the team? Why yes he is. If you have a conscience, you will not root for this team. You know who don't have consciences? Every single old guy I talk to about the NFL. They all love Favre. I do not understand. I think Favre could rape/burn down their villages (assuming the people I talk to live in villages), and it's like these guys wouldn't care. HE'S RAPING YOUR VILLAGE! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! I have no idea what it is about him that draws such fawning and admiration. It's certainly not his personality, endorsements, or off-the-field actions.

Freaking ageists.

Anything that's funny? Did we hit Percy's migraines? We did? Oh, good. Well, I'd like to nominate Brad Childress, then. He takes a lot of heat from pundits and Vikings fans alike, but man, he's steadily improved this team every single year. Sports are kind of funny sometimes because people get so bogged down by micro aspects of their coaches that they're totally missing the big picture. I almost feel as if Chilly lost this game, he'd be on a bit of a lukewarm seat when it came to his job security. Not hot, but... a little toasty. They're in the final four, man. It's the farthest they've been in forever. So what if he screws up important things like timeouts and special teams. Just details.

He also has a sneaky sense of humor that you can only find when you look for it hard. Sort of Belichick-ian in its secrecy, but it's a whole different style. Plus I think he's sworn a few times at press conferences. And the kids love the cursin'.


Wonderful x-factor? No, none. In fact, they have a back-breaking x-factor by the name of Jared Allen.

Quick recap...
- Mullet.
- Stupidest sack celebration ever. Ever. EVER.
- Three DUIs.
- Made fun of Michael Oher. That's Sandra Bullock's kid, man!
- Brings disgrace to the honorable number 69.


Random stuff? I do not begrudge you at all for rooting for Adrian Peterson's success. He's cool, he has an 80s haircut, and he's in his prime -- which is usually fleeting for running backs. I understand. / Chester Taylor came into Minnesota to be thee guy, watched as they drafted Peterson, and watched as AD took his job... but still, he usually comes to play. You have to respect that. / People get mad at the steroid guys on the d-line, but really, come on, who cares?

Do they play in a dome? Yeah, and it's the worst dome there is. This team should lose major points for that alone. Never mind the diva QB or triple DUI defensive end. Screw that stadium. Burn it down. Let Brett give it thee ol' village treatment.

Argument from a fan of the team? My buddy A.J., an acclaimed journalist, makes a case:

Neutral fans should root for the Vikings, not for Brett Favre, not for Adrian Peterson, and not for Jared Allen. They should root for us because, at the beginning of the season we made it clear, it was win at all costs for this team. We went to the enemy's quarterback. We spent a ton of money, and judging by the age of our team, we may not be back soon. Both the Vikes and Saints have never won a Super Bowl, but this is the year, that a 40 year old proves, you can do anything you put your mind to.

The Brett Favre love at the end is discouraging. But I loved the creative spin he has going here. The win-at-all-costs thing is pretty cool. It almost makes them the Yankees of the NFL. And if you know me, you know that's not a bad thing. Really intriguing angle to think about.

Indefensible fan thing? I'm undecided on this guy. Anybody?


VERDICT -- This is your absolute worst-case Super Bowl champion. Seriously, picture Brett Favre holding the trophy. Picture him doing this. If you liked either of those two thoughts, I don't know how you sleep at night. I don't. As much as people love Favre, he's only won one Super Bowl. That's good. We need to keep it limited, as it will inevitably hurt his legacy. Where are the pix sixes Brett? We miss them.

Seriously, what a jackass face.

3) Indianapolis Colts

As a Patriots fan, I was about as anti-Peyton Manning as it gets for a really long time. But then something funny* happened: the Colts won the Super Bowl and the ice began to thaw. It started with the begrudging acknowledgment of respect any champion commands, from there, it manifested into a slight like. I would even call last year's Colts team completely likable. Remember that team? Marvin died, they sucked for a while, then Manning dragged their asses into the playoffs on the strength of a really long win streak. It was admirable. Two of my favorite positions in sports are point guard and quarterback, which is probably why I love how Manning makes his teammates so much better. It really makes you question Marvin Harrison's entire career.


Cool player to get behind? Reggie Wayne. The forgotten man. One of my favorite players in the NFL. He gets overshadowed by Harrison's prime, and when Harrison mustache loser finally leaves, he gets overshadowed by stupid Dallas Clark and two wide receivers people like mostly because their names are kooky. (I am one of those people.)

But Wayne is freaking awesome. Even in my Colts mega-hatred stage, I loved his approach to the game. Plus, if you haven't heard this story yet, you're missing one of the best anecdotes of the entire sports year.

Don't think just because Ed Reed and Reggie Wayne were roommates at The U that the two won't have a score to settle on the field Saturday night in the AFC divisional playoff between the Baltimore Ravens and Indianapolis Colts.

Nine years ago, when the All-Pro safety and receiver roomed while playing college football at Miami, Wayne had a pet Burmese python named Law. After getting drafted by the Colts, he left the snake in Reed's care. As a vet, Reed apparently is a good football player. When Wayne returned to Coral Gables on his bye week he found Law looking sick and had to nurse the animal back to health. He then left again, the snake still in Reed's care.

A few days later Wayne got a text message from Reed that read: "Hey, man, Law dead."

I would pay 75 dollars to physically see that text message.


Is Brett Favre on the team? Nope. In fact, this team's QB will most likely turn Brett Favre into a five-year seat-warmer in the record books, making him a perpetual No. 2. So in this analogy, Favre = McGwire and Manning = Bonds. Or, Favre = Bonds and Manning = A-Rod. Either way, we win.

Anything that's funny? The tanking two games to end the season was great. Everybody in Indy freaked out about it, then Wes Welker tore his ACL. Hmm.

Beating the Jets would be a pretty cool FU from the team to their fans. You didn't think we could do this?! Really?! Do I even have to address why losing to the Jets would be funny?

Wonderful x-factor? They don't have a running game. And it's phenomenal. They pass all the fucking time.

Bonus: Everybody likes to say "they don't even have a real coach, Manning does everything!" but do we know for sure if that's true? I mean, obviously Manning does a lot of stuff -- with the audibles and such -- but does he really do so much that it overtakes the majority of the coaching staff's impact? I mean, NFL coaches probably have more of an in-game impact than coaches in any other professional sport. I'm not ruling this stereotype, but if it is true, that's ridiculous.


Random stuff? Super undecided on Bill Polian (...eh, somewhat sure I hate him) / Dungy still H8s gays, which is, you know, bad / I miss Edgerrin James :(

Do they play in a dome? Yeah, but it's quieter (therefore worse) than their last dome stadium. So that makes it funny. I'm not going to hold their dome against them.

Argument from a fan of the team? I messaged my buddy Jon and asked him to make an argument. He didn't. What a dick.

Indefensible fan thing? Other than general white-ness, nothing comes to mind. They don't play a horse soundbite on the P.A. when they get first downs, do they? That'd be real stupid.

VERDICT -- Them winning really wouldn't be as awful as you think. Especially if it was over the Vikings. Still, I'm a Brady guy, and Manning getting his second ring really hurts Brady's one major historical advantage in the great QB debate. I can't root for that with good conscience.

2) New York Jets

I was doing some LDT bashing in these parts a few years ago. If you recall, LDT said this (of the Patriots making fun of Shawne Merriman's Lights Out dance):

"When you go to the middle of our field, when you start doing the dance that Shawne Merriman is known for, that's disrespectful to me."

Since you do not recall, I said this:

...If, as a professional athlete, you have the audacity to create a celebration or dance that is specifically yours, you have to be ready for someone to mock it at some point. It's the way of the world.

Hopefully, [no] NFL player ever does the "Hand On Head Ball Flip" that LDT is known for. After all, there would be hell to pay.

It couldn't have went better. Flash forward two years. You get this.
 

From a rookie. Plus it was in San Diego during an epic choke. Plus he went to Iowa (Iowa?!). Plus LDT had a really crappy game. It was my favorite moment of this NFL season.

Cool player to get behind? Thomas Jones. If you're a Bears fan, and you're rooting against Thomas Jones, I don't know what to tell you. He iced the game last week. Causing the Iowa football blog I read slight anger.

Greene earned that play more than Jones! Thomas Jones wasn't the only guy who could have converted that play. Hell, Thomas Paine could have made it, and he's white.

Haha, Iowa.

Is Brett Favre on the team? No. But he used to be.

...I'm not sure what this means.

Anything that's funny? I don't know if I'm less decided on anything in sports than I am in my opinion of Rex Ryan. I just do not know what to think.

He's cocky, abrasive, and ridiculous. But those could all be argued as good qualities.

I guess what kind of pushes me into his corner is this: would you be happy or angry if more coaches acted like he did? I say happy. Now if all of them acted like that, it might be another story.

Another thing: it's just really, really hard to say how much credit he should get for his "genius blitzing schemes". I mean, I sometimes get the vibe like he just points to a random corner and two random linebackers and is like "you! you! annnnnd you!" and they just kind of go at it. I don't know if it's based on tactical probability from hours of research and preparation... or just dumb luck. Either way, it's entertaining as hell. So chaotic.

This anecdote really epitomizes Rex above all else: before the Pats and Jets played in Week 2 this season, Rex Ryan signed Kevin O'Connell (the Patriots second-string QB who they cut prior to the regular season). When he did this, a lot of the Boston people were irked because they assumed Ryan was getting insider info about the Patriots offense (certainly possible), but it got even better as Ryan made O'Connell a captain for the Patriots game when the teams played in Week 2. This was just part of his of pulling-out-all-the-stops-for-the-Pats-game plan. The other part?

The voicemail. If you haven't heard it, please listen to it. I'd quote parts of it, but the whole thing should be just one big quote. It's self-deprecating, charming, and so completely unconventional.


Seriously, everything, that whole story... it makes me mad, but it makes me laugh. I just don't know.

Wonderful x-factor? Iowa fans will tell you its Shonn Greene. Defense lovers will tell you its Darrelle Revis. I might tell you it's Braylon Edwards. But the real answer is, as always...

THE SANCHIZE!


Just another case of everything. He's funny, he makes Jets fans pseudo racist in a totally K-Fu kind of way, he playfully dissed Pete Carroll, he takes funny model pictures, he has a playoff beard, and, generally, he just seems happy to be here. You really can't ask for more.

(Subplot: I truly believe that -- in a similar way to the Brees/Rivers/Culpepper saga -- Sanchez altered NFL history. He really was not supposed to leave USC after his junior year. But he did. And it set off a course of events...

1) Jets: Obviously, he helps get them to the AFC title game.
2) USC: They have a down year, Carroll bolts.
3) Seahawks: Carroll gets a shit ton of money to coach and control this team.
4) Tennessee: Lane Kiffin seizes the USC coaching vacancy. Causing everyone that side of Clay Travis to tailspin into madness.

None of this happens? Jets probably don't make the playoffs, USC might make the national title, the Seahawks are still bleh, and the entire state of Tennessee doesn't need to be sedated.

The Sanchize.)

Random stuff? DT Kris Jenkins was a huge part of their defense, and he's been on IR with a torn ACL for weeks... I feel like nobody talks about this / Joe Namath is an idiot.

Do they play in a dome? Hell naw. And that should count for something.

Argument from a fan of the team? Former Jimmy Kids bassist Jeff Balsamo weighs in:

1. Because neutral fans should always root for the underdog.
2. Rex Ryan is friggin hilarious.
3. Rookie head coach, rookie QB, rookie RB in the AFC Division game. Come on now, couldn't write a better script.
4. The only people that should be rooting for the Colts are the hillbilly Indianians and Peyton lovers. No Homo.

Hmm. I think he lost Rickhouse with that one.

Indefensible fan thing? The J-E-T-S thing is so stupid. It's so moronic. I hate it so much. I hate it when people say it. I hate it when people make puns off of it. I hate it when people who hate it say it as a joke to make fun of it. It's so dumb and boring.

ALTHOUGH!... When I was at the Florida State-Kentucky Music City Bowl (don't ask), all of the Kentucky fans were doing a "C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS!" chant pretty regularly. When I asked them if they got it from the Jets, they seemed perturbed and upset. That, was funny.

VERDICT -- Picturing them as the champs is overwhelming in a good way. I can't imagine the shit Ryan would say post-Super Bowl... or even pre-. That'd be a helluva week.

1) New Orleans Saints

Yes, I went with the Saints. Even after rooting for the Cardinals to beat them last week. Some say the Saints are the easy choice, and that's definitely true. But they're the easy choice for a reason.


Cool player to get behind? Reginald Alfred Bush II. Previewing the NBA final four last year, I wrote: "Watching LeBron James play basketball on the planet earth is a privilege. If you love, like, or even care about basketball just 1%, you absolutely have to agree with this."

Put Reggie Bush's last week performance in that zone. It was incredible, chilling even. It felt like you were watching him in college again. Finesse runs, bruising runs, a punt return, speed, jukes, and one of the sickest pure cuts I have ever seen on a football field.

What took so long? Why did this happen? Why did this happen now? There are so many questions. But no bigger than this: will it happen again?

Nobody can answer that and know.

Is Brett Favre on the team? Not a trace of gunslinger.

Anything that's funny? Drew Brees' facial birthmark is the Rex Ryan of birthmarks -- I just don't know what to think. His hair also troubles me.

Wonderful x-factor? Kim Kardashian is No. 1 on my females list. I am painfully unapologetic about this.



Random stuff? They ran a flea flicker last week. I love flea flickers. They're right up there with fade routes in that I enjoy these two plays so much, I tend to root for their in-game success even if they're being run by the team I'm rooting against. I'm not alone in this. / Head coach Sean Payton is a Naperville native / I love how so many people hate random Saints WRs because they had one of their WRs on their fantasy team but not the one that caught that one touchdown pass in that one week / I'm really not sure how I felt about them signing Deuce McAllister last week, listing him as inactive, then having him lead the team out onto the field. Payton is so odd with his motivational ploys. Like how he gave the team baseball bats. Or how he buried mementos from their 2006 season in the ground. He's weird. Oh, also, he played for the Bears during the 1987 NFL players strike. / Yes, Jeremy Shockey is on the team, I know.

Do they play in a dome? Sadly, yes. But it did host one of the most emotionally moving moments in NFL history.

Argument from a fan of the team? University of Iowa track star Zach Splan explains:

1) We're still hurtin', give us a little sympathy.
2) We've had many rough years. We never win.

I can give you a specific time and a specific story... when I had season tickets, the Saints were going for the playoffs in the last game of the season. It was one of those obscure ways, two teams lose, and you beat that team, and you're in. The other two teams lost, but the Vikings were playing us, and they kicked 58-yard field goal to win it and beat us.

I tried half-assedly to validate this story and couldn't. But he says it happened in the early 00s when Aaron Brooks was the quarterback. Just memories of that alone should make you feel bad for these people.

Indefensible fan thing? Besides the general hideousness and ridiculousness*, the WHO DAT thing has always kind of annoyed me. As well as the putting EAUX on everything. Unless it's creatively funny. Like making Santa say "HEUAX HEAUX HEAUX!"

I asked Zach to defend these actions, and he said: "They're all drunk and stupid, but they do love them Saints."

(* - Still. Those sell-out banners are textbook indefensible. Those are even worse than the Billy Joel/Elton John banners I saw at MSG.)

VERDICT -- It's passing. It's pinball offense. It's a team that's never been there before. It's a team with so few things to hate. Get behind them Saints. You know you're probably supposed to.