Dubs Dread: The Hawk

by Friends of the Program on January 8 at 12:43PM

BY DUBS

I know this is a South and West Side blog, North Side be damned, but fuck you. Andre Dawson was voted into the Hall-of-Fame. That's some cool-ass-shit. The Hawk. I fondly remember going to Wrigley Field with my dad as a small boy merely attending the game to watch Mark Grace and Dawson, then broken down, playing all out with no regard for those barely functioning, gimpy joints he called knees. The Cubs were terrible, but The Hawk made it bearable. He played like a fucking nut.

I will always remember him beating out two consecutive routine ground balls to short by sliding feet-first into first. It was like nothing I had ever seen--that kind of ridiculous hustle at the professional ranks. To me, it was EPIC. When that dust finally settled after that second feet-first slide that was IT for me. I officially was in love with baseball. It became more than just a game. It was now my LIFE. I can thank The Hawk for that.

Dawson was by no means a lock. This was his ninth year of eligibility and probably the best chance he had with a rather weak assembly of candidates. But that's not what matters. He is IN. A Cub. Finally something good has happened to my abortion of a team. Someone I remember watching play. This actually means something to me, to my generation of Cubs fans. Yesterday, I didn't erase the daily email I get from the Cubs like I always do. I kept it. It is something to be cherished. A small victory in a long line of FAIL.

Congratulations Hawk. You deserve it.
*

I've decided I don't really care if Dawson goes in with an Expos or Cubs hat. The Cubs front office fucked him on multiple occasions, especially with that whole blank check fiasco, so whatever. What matters are the memories that I have of him as a Cub. Those won't change regardless of what hat he is wearing on a brass statue.

***

Other things:

NOOOOOOOO!!!!

*

I have succeeded. Google David Haugh Asshole and guess what comes up first? You guessed it. And away we go:

David Haugh is a Dumb Asshole

David Haugh.jpg

TITLE: Urban Meyer needs to shift priorities, not step down

Lets begin with some bad humor shall we?

Who in today's 24/7 digital age can't empathize with Meyer feeling the walls closing in and his blood pressure going up with nowhere to escape it all? It's easier to relate to Meyer's addiction to work than to, say, Tiger Woods' addiction to adultery...

It wouldn't be a college football article without a TIger Woods reference, right? Of course not.

But as Meyer perhaps realized Sunday after sleeping on his rash decision, his great, demanding job at Florida isn't ruining his health and robbing him of family time.

His failure to define the great, demanding job in the context of his priorities is ruining his health and robbing him of family time.

It's not the job that REQUIRES 80 hour work weeks that's killing him. It's that he cant prioritize. David, listen. The dude makes millions of dollars to coach football. HE GETS TO COACH FOOTBALL FOR A LIVING. Everybody knows these guys work ridiculous hours. It's part of the gig. Meyer obviously loves the game. Will do anything for it. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's bad. Should he take time away? Maybe. That could make him feel more relaxed or maybe time off will eat at him MORE knowing there is still shit to get done. Everybody handles things differently. Assuming to know one Mr. Urban Meyer's stress triggers and relievers is presumptuous at best.

Ever hear Jim Tressel or Bobby Bowden, just two examples of coaching CEOs, worry about burnout? They delegate and still win.

One. Fuck Jim Tressel. Anything relating to OSU football can eat shit and die. Personal opinion. Two. Bobby Bowden hasn't actually coached football in like 10 years and was basically forced to retire like two weeks ago. So probably not the best reference. Also, "[they] delegate and still win." How do you know this? Quotes? Sources? Anything would be better than just saying that like you just know it. David Haugh feels it. In his soul. How about you prove it, bitch.

Maybe Meyer found out the one good conversation his 16-year-old daughter said they had shared [sic] the past two years was one more than some men in his profession ever have with their teenage children.

Fuck you, man. Stay out of that shit. You're David Haugh, not Dr. Phil. (PS I hate using that somewhat outdated and terrible pop culture reference).

The NCAA regulates how many hours a week each team practices (wink, wink). But it would be worth introducing legislation at the next convention to address how many hours per day or week a coach can work.

Any hour maximum would be difficult to police away from campus and easy to abuse. But at least the NCAA might be able to limit the number of hours coaches spend in their offices overcoaching on weeknights.

You just disproved your argument, David, but whatever. It WOULD be impossible to regulate this. So why even bother? As you mentioned in your first paragraph, "[technology] has knocked down the walls separating our professional and personal lives..." You can work from literally anywhere. I haven't worked in an office in two years (I usually work in sweatpants. It's fun. You should try it sometime). This is just so dumb. Schools pay coaches big bucks to do whatever it takes to win. As we have seen time and time again, coaches break NCAA rules pretty regularly. Do you think they will stop working because the NCAA says, "Hey, you. Only 40 hour work weeks, buddy." NO. FUCKING. WAY. This idea will only hurt college football and its players in the long run.

Just imagine the outrage and utter and pure hatred that would accompany this letter from the NCAA:

Dear Whatever SEC School,

After our thorough investigation, we have come to the conclusion that Coach Whatever SEC Coach has worked more hours than the NCAA prohibits in the months of March and April. Therefore, as stated in section BLAH BLAH BLAH in the NCAA rules book we must remove two scholarships from next years recruiting class.

Sincerely,

Douchebag NCAA guy

Guess who loses again? The kids!!! Lets take away their scholarships!!!! Yippeee!!! Great idea again, David. You dumb asshole.

Dubs is a weekly contributor of TUP and the former Editor of SlowBreaker. He can be reached at zach@slowbreaker.com.

Dubs Dread: The Hawk

Leave a comment

Search

Follow Me

Blogs In The Network

Network Partners

Recent Comments

Latest Posts

From The Network

Monthly Archives

Test Your Potential