Dubs Dread: Role Models

When I am not here writing wondrous and awe-inspiring columns about booze, sports and infidelity, I also serve as a baseball coach. This gives me the unique opportunity to help mold fragile and impressionable young kids into mature community-first men. Or something like that. However, when it comes down to the actual act of "practice what you preach", I fail miserably. Granted, many of the things I talk to them about--like drinking or smoking--are legal for me to do now that I have officially reached "adulthood" and illegal for them as high school kids. Regardless, all I can think is, "Dubs thy name is hypocrisy".


You see, fine reader, I, as well as most of you I'm sure, drank and/or smoked in high school. I will admit it, "I, DUBS, DRANK BEER AND OTHER ALCOHOLIC PRODUCTS IN HIGH SCHOOL." Boy howdy, that felt good. You should really try that. Do it with all the other things in your life that are weighing you down. Go tell your wife you cheated on her. Your first born he was a mistake. That you actually like Dane Cook. It will be OK. You can do it. All that guilt will fade away. Life will be that much better...

Actually, don't.

The thing is, I can't do that and, for the most part, neither can you (especially admitting to liking Dane Cook. Yuk). Worse, I am probably definitely an exponentially worse role model now then I was in high school. If parents of my students and players on my teams' found out who I am outside of baseball they would lose their minds. I would lose business. They would hide their kids away in a shed instead of letting them around a degenerate like myself (especially if they went into the archives of TUP. That would be bad). The point is, I don't want to be a role model. I want to be a coach on the field and a 20-something in the streets. That is only fair, I think. And that is also how we should view our professional athletes.


In todays world of TMZ, Deadspin and the like, nothing in an athletes life is sacred. The days of backdoor media deals between reporters and athletes are over (see: Jordan, Michael). Everything, from road beef to DUIs to photographs of your dong are fair game. Because of this, we should never hold our athletes to the title of role model again. For the most part, all of our sports stars are in their early to mid 20s. People of that age with no wife or (legitimate) children and TONS OF MONEY should never be expected to act like a saint or Tim Tebow. (Seriously, think back to when you were that age. Probably drunk at a bar, right? Now add $20MM and girls throwing themselves at you. Wanna be a role model now?).

This week alone, Greg Oden showed us his giant penis and the Blackhawks got half naked and partied with ugly chicks in a limo. My initial reactions, "wow, that's a really big penis" and "seriously? Those are the girls you're hanging with?" It probably should be different, but it's not. These guys are just having fun, as they should, as would you. Kids should look up to an athlete's skills and nothing else. Parents shouldn't freak out over an athletes missteps into immorality. Rather they should be the best role model to THEIR kids they can. Trusting someone else to do that is on par with sending someone else to a job interview. The outcome is entirely your fault.

In the infamous words of Charles Barkley:

"I'm not paid to be a role model. I'm paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court."

Word.

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Other things:

Last night I took a line drive off my shoulder. HOLY HELL DID IT HURT. It wont move from my side. FUN!!!

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If you will notice, first Dubs Dread without a swear word. I am maturing!!!

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My mom got mad at me for making a joke about her in last week's Dubs Dread. I'm sorry mom. Love you.

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Seriously, Rick Morrissey, just stop it.