Live from a Northwestern tailgate: Dubs survives unharmed

by Friends of the Program on October 13 at 2:15AM

BY DUBS

On Friday I tirelessly wrote a HOMER-length epic poem on the state of this past weekends football suckitude as both the Bears and Irish were not playing. Instead, I told you to get your Chicago football fix by attending the Miami (OH)-Northwestern game/tailgate in Evanston. Here are some highlights from that event:

- Painstakingly organize an insane breakfast/lunch combo that included omelet, hot dog and drink--ranging from beer to mimosas--stations the night before. Forgot half of everything in the morning leaving us with no food, condiments or mixers.

- As a baseball coach I keep the gear for my team in the trunk of my car. Little did I know a helmet was going to fall directly next to the now useless, yet fire-raging, mini grill. The helmet now looks the the elephant man, rendering it oddly similar to "The Scream" by Edvard Munch.

- Accidentally started talking to the kid that wore corduroys with various sea creatures on them in high school.

- Discussed how corduroy's friend's ex-gf is now married. Oddly, she dated my friend too.

- Ran into my ex-girlfriend who was "hiding" from her current boyfriend when she saw me. We then preceded to get locked out of my car where the alcohol was and get into a fight that only exes can. Very public, very stupid, very embarrassing. Long live Dubs!!!

- Watched four consecutive three and outs. Left game immediately in disgust.

- Did not see one black person off the field.

- Enjoyed the mass amounts of porta-potties throughout the parking lot. There were no lines!!! A first in my tailgating experiences.

- Future Mrs. Dubs completely ignored me, making her Dubs' One Time Crush.

- Ate below average cheese fries from Mustards Last Stand.

- Northwestern won 16-6. I think.

All in all, I think I watched like six football minutes in a half empty stadium rocking the same energy levels as an Iron And Wine concert. However, I did get drunk and not arrested, thus making it somewhat of a huge success. All in all, I give a Northwestern tailgate and game about a 4 out of 10 on the Dubs' party scale. For shame.







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