Dubs' guide to turning a lame sports weekend into something awesome: Northwestern Football Edition

After last week's low key-ness, I was really hoping this week would be one of the more marquee ones. Alas, this will not happen... despite what everyone (including myself as recent as last week) thinks.

LSU beats Florida without Tebow? "Yeah, but the Gators didn't have Tebow."

Florida beats LSU without Tebow? "Wow, the Gators won even without Tebow."

LSU beats Florida with Tebow? "Yeah, but Tebow was not Tebow."

Florida beats LSU with Tebow? "What CAN'T Tebow do?"

No thanks.

Saying that, I must also agree with Bobby that this weekend is going to blow major Eeyore dick sports-wise here in Chicago. With the Irish coming off a big overtime win over a surprising Washington team and the Bears finally showing the offense that we expected--they were even explosive at times--this was shaping up to be a Lexington Steele money shot weekend of football offense. But it is not to be as both football teams will be taking this weekend off, leaving Chicago in need of substitute football. We, as Chicago sports fans, need to find an outlet for our insane desire for football, beer and inordinate amounts of cheese laden foods. I, as your humble servant, have a suggestion to feed your football, tailgate and local sports needs...go to the Miami (OH)-Northwestern festivities this Saturday.

Now, I know you may be saying, "But Dubs, you just said earlier 'Fuck. That.' to rooting for the Wildcats." To that I would say, "Fuck. Yeah." Don't cheer for Northwestern, that would be lame. Instead, put on your Saturday best, get drunk at the 8AM tailgate and give your undying loyalty to the visiting Red Hawks, at least for three hours. Is there anything better than being the drunk asshole visiting fan? Fuck. And. No. Yell at kids, rub unfortunate plays in the face of the old couple sitting next to you, do whatever gets your drunk turned up to 11. That night in the drunk tank is well worth the 45-minutes of glory. Trust me. I'm a blogger.

My mugshot. I got another one 30 minutes later.

Granted, I do have a rooting interest in this game as I did graduate from Miami (OH), however that is really not why I want to go  to this game. After all, the Red Hawks are 0-5 and don't really have a fighting chance in this affair (they were outscored 90-0 in their first two games. Seriously). The real reasons I have laid out here. As well as a few prediction. This is a little excerpt:

Saturday around 8am (maybe earlier) there will be a car, most likely a SUV of some kind, pulling into the Northwestern parking lot, full of beer, a few drunk Miami (OH) alum and some drunk non-Miami (OH) alum all boasting limited amounts of self-respect and self-awareness...

After the car is parked, the passengers will quickly partake in tailgate binge drinking that will undoubtedly lead to bad decisions and, if it is anything like an IU tailgate, handcuffs. Puking will occur, as will public urination. Maybe even a fight will break out. Some will get eliminated by over-drinking or an escort to jail.

The remaining few, however, will then enter the formerly named Dyche (pronounced hilariously like you think) Stadium to watch as the formerly nicknamed Redskins fall to 0-6 in a classic "remember when Big Ben was quarterback" game for the ages...

Dubs: King of the Douches

See you Saturday.