The best Favre hate from around the Web

The fact of the matter is that Brett Favre doesn't actually love football. Say what you will about Peyton Manning, but that guy genuinely loves the football: studying tape and all that shit. Favre doesn't. He just loves being a football player. He likes running out having people scream his name and all that shit. That's all. And that's fine. I don't begrudge any man that right. But I don't want to hear about how he's coming back for the love of the game. If he loved the game so much, he'd work to NOT FUCKING SUCK AT IT WHEN IT COUNTS.

I have a hard time reconciling the fact that my happiness with the Vikings will now be directly tied to Brett Favre's success as a quarterback. I have grown, over the years, to dislike Favre on a level that far exceeds my hatred for other star athletes. Don't get me wrong. I hate plenty of other athletes. Like Bryan Cox. Man, did I fucking hate Bryan Cox. What a loser. But I don't hate any of those guys like I hate Favre. I've spent most of the past hour praying that Favre blows out his knee Friday night and that Sage Rosenfels somehow morphs into an All-Pro. That's the BEST CASE SCENARIO of how this season will play out for me.

I used to think Brett Favre's biggest flaw was the media's overhyping his fading ability.  It's not.  Brett Favre's biggest flaw is much simpler than that: he's a self-obsessed, paranoid liar.  He can see the end of the tunnel and there are no cameras or sycophantic columnists.  That horrifies him.  Who is going to photograph his worn baseball cap?  Who is going to write about his enthusiasm for the game?  Who is going to ignore his throwing another season into the hands of a defensive back?  Who will be left but himself?

would be willing to forgive Michael Vick if he goes ahead and electrocutes Brett Favre.

"I'm sure I'll regret my decision down the road.''
--Brett Favre, to me, on July 28.

Down the road? That's a pretty short road. More like a driveway.

Boom, roasted.

Drew can call Favre an "attention-whoring cumguzzler" all he wants (and he will), but in my book, nothing topped that King takedown. It seemed....sincere?

*

I'm pretty much loving all the Favre hate going on right now. It's a premium example of why sports coverage on the Internet is so much better than sports coverage anywhere else. You just can't call Favre a "massive shitburglar" (in all caps!) on TV or in print. It's times like these when the Web truly conquers.

It's sort of weird to watch, though. I feel like I hated Brett Favre before it was cool to hate Brett Favre. The man sabotaged part of my childhood, the time when these things hurt the most. I hate Favre for his holier-than-thou attitude just like everyone else, but I also hate him for that goddamn 99-yard touchdown pass to Robert Brooks at Solider Field. That happened in 1995. I was 8. Eight. But it was the first time I ever felt true hate for Favre and the Packers, and I'll never forget it.

Don't be mistaken, Favre has only gotten more intolerable. My hated grows each year he waffles, waffles, waffles, retires, and comes back. I am maxed out at this point. I could not loathe him more.

But there is one big difference between '95 Favre and '09 Favre: he sucks now. You know how when all-time great athletes wind down their careers, the final season feels like a victory lap? This season will be my victory lap, as Favre gets pounded into the pavement 16 more times. 

Now to end this the only way I know how, with an obligatory collage of Favre crying:

If you think it's dusty in here now, Brett, just wait....

Dvoracek is coming for you, motherfucker. And he doesn't always look this happy.