Brazil'd

by Bobby Stompy on June 28 at 3:59PM


It's hard to put into perspective how much goodwill the United States soccer team lost today from casual soccer fans. I mean, they were up 2-0 on Brazil, and they steadily blew it. It wasn't really a flurry of goals. It was just a bad, bad second half. They just... blew it. They blew it. It's the kind of loss that makes you want to give an all encompassing statement like "this is why soccer will never make it in America."

But that's not very fair.

It was frustrating. We should have expected a loss. We knew they weren't favored. But they were up 2-0, man. 2-0. It's just hard to shake the feeling that everything they've accomplished in this tournament was sort of erased. Had they simply gotten rolled by Brazil, it probably would have been easier. But victory was oh-so close. It's hard not to feel burned by events that led to this outcome.

One of the ESPN announcers: "If this is the way they go down, no shame in this game. No shame in this result."

Maybe he's right. I'm certainly not ashamed by the team, but it's definitely upsetting. What a major disappointment from a team that's historically been pretty good at consistently providing them -- best ever World Cup finish was 3rd place ... in 1930.

* * *

In a completely related note: Landon Donovan -- though talented -- is easily the worst thing about American soccer.

Let's quickly look at the facts.

- First name: Landon

- Height: 5'8''

- Birth place: Ontario ... California

- Funny hairline: Check.

- Biased photo collage of him shirtless and/or being dwarfed by taller women and/or making unflattering faces: Oh yes.

hahadonovan.JPG
When he scored the second goal in the game today, he started pointing at himself screaming "me! me!" before jumping in the air while throwing a fist pump. It was only slightly less lame than Kobe's triple jump in the NBA finals.

I need a better pulse on soccer. Is Donovan disliked only by uptight stiffs (read: white, old sportswriters)? Or is he really just all-out lame? Do laid back, genuine soccer fans also think he's kind of an idiot? Or is he actually considered -- gulp -- popular?!

These questions may never be answered. But he does look like an elf.

donovanelf.JPGI went there.

Fortunately there's a yin to this yang. I present U.S.A. striker Jozy Altidore.

Specs:
- 19 years-old ... which means he was born in 1989
- Could never play for the Minnesota Twins
- 6'1''
- Born in Jersey, lives in Florida
- Braid his hair and make him grow a slight beard, and you've got an uncanny resemblance to Bloc Party singer Kele Okereke

bloctidore.JPG
He could be our only hope.

* * *

In better news: go home, Cubs.





7 Comments | Leave a comment



This is why the united states should stick to football and winning world wars

I'm a huge soccer fan and I think that Donovan is popular, because he plays as hard as he can every game. Not to mention, he leads the US in all-time scoring and assists and fourth youngest to record 100 caps for the program.

Altidore is a beast and while I love seeing him play, I am sort of disappointed that it is at the cost of not playing Beasley

Mitch says, the gm you are stupid. Altidore is a joke. He falls over every 2 seconds. His goal vs. Spain was pathetic. Casillas fell over before the shot and still was almost able to save it. Just because Beasley and Altidore are black doesn't mean one replaced the other, they play different positions. Beasley has the best two field players in Donovan and Dempsey at his position while Altidore is "fighting" for time the Ching, Casey and Davies.

Donovan is popular because hes the best player? No shit.

The GM says, mitch go eat a dick...I'm sure you will.

mitch says, I can smoke more cigarettes than you

I don't know what that means.

But, you say that Altidore is "fighting" for time against Ching, Casey, and Davies, yet Ching has only played in four games for the US this year and none since the start of June. Altidore and Davies have started a few games together and have replaced each other in the lineup as subs. I'd say Altidore has the upper hand there.

Formations are always different and Beasley has played on the field with Dempsey and Donovan in 7 of the 10 US games this year. Not bad for a guy that has the two best players at his position. If/when Beasley doesn't play, it is because the US has added another Forward to the formation, thus taking away a Midfielder, which then creates a log jam and like you stated, Dempsey and Donovan are the better Midfielders, so Beasley gets the boot. So, my statement of playing Altidore more and Beasley less was accurate. Since June, Altidore has been a starter and Beasley has played less and less.

But, I'm the stupid one.

mitch says most of that was sarcasim about fighting for time. point being duesch gm, beasley had been starting in the back not in the mid field and he was horrendous there if u watched the games.


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