General nonsense

I'll be in Nashville tonight and camping in the Smoky Mountains Tuesday and Wednesday, so this is the only post I'll be writing this week, at least until Friday. Stompy may stop by to drop some knowledge, but some investigative facebooking leads me to believe he's a road trip warrior himself (Update: suspicion confirmed via email). I asked the men of Top Ten if they wanted to contribute some posts here too, so hopefully this won't be a blank space for a week. If it is, eh, whatever. Now that I'm done with school (4-everrrrrrrrrrrr) and probably won't be getting a real job anytime soon (I've been led to believe journalism = unemployment), I can actually devote some real time to this site. That means redesigning it, and, who knows, maybe I'll even try watching sports. I'm not makin' any promises though.

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Your main course for the day is a top ten list that will likely stir up some debate. I'll be gone and won't be able to defend myself, so do it for me, please.

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Since I graduated college yesterday, I want to highlight some of BDD's fantastic message to the Class of 2009. It's pretty much the polar opposite of everything I was told yesterday from a dying man and his cat.

Guess what, fuckos? Party's over. You're out of college now, and your parents are now too poor to nurse you through grad school. No more fantasy life for you. No more ice luges. No more intellectual discourse. No more ripe teenage pussy. That's all over now. YOU ARE FUCKED. Your days will now consist of searching for a job in a marketplace where no available job of any sort fucking exists. Your commencement speaker will probably tell you your class "faces enormous challenges," or some bullshit euphemism like that. This is a lie. A challenge is something you can overcome. You, on the other hand, are completely, unavoidably fucked. You're not going to cure cancer. You're not going to stop wars. You're not going to save the planet. If you're lucky, you may stumble upon a $2 coupon for Honey Nut Cheerios one day. That will be about it.

Otherwise, you are entering a world that is running out of money, a world that will slowly choke itself to death unless it somehow stumbles upon a miraculously clean, cheap energy source that has yet to be invented and almost certainly never will be. Ten years from now, your degree will be 1/100th as useful as a fucking life vest. So wipe that nauseating smile off your faces and heed now this glimpse into your very near future.

Ok then. Who are we to argue with Drew?

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I love Malcolm Gladwell, but he's been getting dragged through the mud lately by some of sports blogging's finest. That 'press' article was kind of stupid; perhaps he should just stick to writing awesome books about things more important than sports. I'll swear by The Tipping Point, and I heard his latest, Outliers, rocks as well.

Anyways, It took me a few days, but I finally made it through his entire exchange with Simmons. There are definitely some nauseating sections, but all and all, it's worth a read. I always feel smarter after reading Gladwell. There is maybe only a handful of other people I can say that about.

A few things from that three-part monstrosity:

- Simmons got me thinking with this sports-music analogy:

...if you want to drag hip-hop or rap into it, the best parallel would obviously be Jordan's post-baseball Bulls: MJ was Chuck D, Pippen was Terminator X, and there is no effing doubt that Rodman was Flavor Flav.

(Warning: insanity ahead)

The best I could come up with: Yankees = U2, Red Sox = Radiohead, Cubs = Kenny Chesney.

The Yankees are U2 because....

The early work of both is undeniably great. If you have any deep seeded love for the sport of baseball, you have to respect Mickey Mantle, Joe Dimaggio, and, of course, the Great Bambino. If you like rock music, you probably think The Joshua Tree and a couple other early U2 albums are classics. Yet, as time went on, both these entities became completely intolerable. Bono qualifies as the biggest douche in music today, and every time something good happens to the Yankees, you want to bash your head against the wall. In conclusion, they both should be high regarded for what they did years and years ago, but now they only give me an appetite for destruction.

The Red Sox are Radiohead because...

The pre-2003 Red Sox are like Pablo Honey in the sense that both were one hit wonders ("Creep" and Ted Williams). The 2003 BoSox are like The Bends because it legitimized the band/organization as one of the best in sports/rock. The 2004 team is clearly Ok Computer; no explanation necessary. Factor in the sustained excellence in the 00's, and this analogy is a no-brainer (haha).   

The Cubs are Kenny Chesney because....

I'm not even going to touch this, but I think you can figure it out yourself.

/ end of insanity.

- Damnit, Ziller. I was supposed to be the one to totally call out Simmons on that "only decent teams should get college great players" bs.

Says Simmons:

The bigger issue (you already hinted at it): Of all the professional sports, parity hurts the NBA the most. Ideally, you want a league with a distinct upper class and a distinct lower class. The most competitive and fan-friendly stretch in NBA history (1984-93) featured an unapologetic separation between the "haves" and the "have-nots." The strong fed on the weak. For instance, the Showtime Lakers (1979-91) featured THREE foundation guys picked No. 1 overall (Kareem, Worthy and Magic), as well as a former MVP and three-time scoring champ (Bob McAdoo), a No. 4 overall pick (Byron Scott), another No. 1 overall (Mychal Thompson), and other heavy hitters acquired through guile and the stupidity of other teams. Well, the majority of teams aren't as stupid anymore. (Apologies to Chris Wallace.) You can't reload as easily by just stealing someone's best player for nothing. (Again, apologies to Chris Wallace.) So once a contender starts fading, how do they stop the slide?

Says Ziller:

I'll also use this opportunity to note Simmons' ridiculous line of logic regarding how awful it is that great college/international players have to get drafted by bad teams smacks of elitism. Or, he had no problem hoping for Kevin Durant to come to a truly embarrassing Celtics team two years ago. Guess what? Fans in Washington, D.C., Sacramento, Minneapolis, and the non-Laker side of L.A. matter too. Never mind the actual impact of high picks improving their teams. See: all teams currently remaining in the playoffs except for Boston and L.A.

The highlighted part in particular is what really got me worked up. We're obviously pro-Simmons around here, but I couldn't let that slide.

- I love Gladwell's 'eliminate drafts!' idea, but doubt it would work in practice.

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Bye.