Bulls-Cavs Recap

Alright, this has to stop right now.

VDN cannot start this ridiculous Rose-Thabo back court anymore. Now, I'm no X's and O's basketball guru (like Jim Boylan), but isn't the philosophy of most professional basketball teams to play their best five to start the game, build a lead, hope the bench sustains the lead or keeps it close, then rinse and repeat? Thabo gives the team nothing offensively, the Bulls dig themselves into huge ruts, then they'll either have the second line come in and shoot their way back into the game, or pretty much continue on the downward spiral.

It was funny when the Bulls had that lineup on opening night (seeing Hinrich and Gordon both getting boned like that... plus they won the game), but that comedy was based on the thought that Thabo progressed in some way over the course of the summer. Didn't happen.

So, Vinny: just start Ben. Please. The campaign begins now.

Bullets Wizards

- It really is a privilege to watch LeBron James play basketball. Whenever I watch him dominate, I always think of this thing BDD wrote about him in one of his Deadspin posts (comparing LeBron's driving ability to running the same effective play over and over in a 90s video game):

LeBron James has a move. He has lots of moves, but there's only one he needs to use. You know the one. It's the one where he says, "Fuck it," drives to his right, past his man, elevates over the rest of the defense, then either (a) lays it in, (b) throws it down, (c) kicks it out, or (d) hits a soft five-footer. Then he finishes with a counter-clockwise swirl.

But that move is so fucking easy for LeBron, it's laughable. Save for his dreadful Game 1 shooting performance against Boston, it's usually easy money for him. Almost like he's cheating. (And, with a little hand from the referees, he probably is.) Watching him drive to the hoop is like watching the end of "The Two Towers," when they ride out on horseback into the middle of the orc army AND NOT ONE ORC DOES A FUCKING THING ABOUT IT. Stupid Uruk-hai. They're on fucking horses. Pull an Eight Belles on Aragon's steed and take his ass out.

Watching LeBron play isn't like watching Kobe Bryant. When Kobe scores a million points, he has to work for that shit. He has to muscle through traffic, or consistently nail that turnaround fadeaway of his that looks exactly like Jordan's. It looks like a lot of effort. Kobe's probably a "better," or more well-rounded player than LeBron, but only because he has to be.

LeBron doesn't have to employ all those crazy moves. All he has to do is make like a goddamn tank and plow a bitch over. I remember watching Shaq back when he wasn't frozen in carbonite, and I remember people saying, "Eh, it's no fun to watch Shaq play. All he does is dunk." Well, at least someone had to pass Shaq the ball. LeBron needs no such help.

I get very annoyed whenever I see a Cavs player that is not LeBron handling the ball. And I get really fucking annoyed when one player who is not LeBron passes it to yet another player who is not LeBron. "What are they doing? Are they retarded?"

In my own simplistic mind, I'm convinced that LeBron should and can do this move every single time the Cavs bring the ball up the court. I know they almost do this anyway, but I'd like to see a game where they do it wire-to-wire. This nearly happened when in Game 5 versus the Pistons last year, but that was just in the second half. What about the first half? Yes, I know defenses will quickly catch on to this sort of game plan. But I don't give a shit. If LeBron kicks it out a handful of times, they still have to remain honest. I think. Fuck it, I just want to see it happen. I wanna see if the motherfucker can score 80. It worked for Mogilny, dammit.

This is how I think as a fan. Obviously, the coach knows better than me. But the whole fun of being a fan, for me, is to assume I know best. I'm sure there's a reason the Cavs have set plays for Ilgauskas. But fuck that shit. I'd far rather assume Mike Brown is just afraid to be accused of lacking creativity for running the same shit over and over again, or ignoring the rest of his players, or breaching some sort of on-court etiquette.

It's so true, too. Vinny had no idea what kind of defense to throw at him, the Bulls were coming off screens with Konerko-like speed, and LeBron had to have finished with 30+. And that was after missing some time with an ankle injury.

- Gordon finished with 31 points and 5 assists... but breathe easy, he's not a starter.

- Ben Wallace is still a horrific basketball player, though I did have some nice nostalgia watching him throw up one of his pattended "this guy's actually an NBA player?" airballs.

- Slowly (slowly), Deng looks like he's starting to grasp the offense. Just a little.

Ah crap, I think I jinxed it.

- I used to hate Anderson Varejão, but Noah reminds me of him so much, that it's not as easy as it used to be. Ideally, he and Noah would have this reoccuring feud filled with wiry punches, energetic screaming, and hair all over the god damned place.

- Just looked up LeBron's line (41 points, 9 rebounds, 6 assists, 4 steals) -- wow. Go home, Bulls.

* * *

Oh, and read below: Rickhouse is GM'ing again, and he just landed Carlos Beltran on the South Side.