A few more reasons why I hate the Cubs

by Ricky O'Donnell on June 21, 2008 at 1:51AM


fordubs.jpgYeah, it's a special weekend post. Sox-Cubs is just that epic.

Yesterday I let my friends say their peace on the Cubs, and I thought that was it. I try to be fairly objective in my baseball viewing, and though I am a White Sox fan, I thought it would be better to let the crazed fans bash the Cubs than for me to do it. So, with all my willpower, I sort of laid off ripping them apart, though, let's be honest, nothing can be easier or more fun. It was hard, but I did it. Then I stumbled across this post from the Cubs blog Hire Jim Essian.

Now I kill.

You read the things Stompy hates about the Cubs, here are some more from me. Feel from to add your own. God knows the possibilities are endless.

-I hate the Cubs because of all the jackasses in the bleachers that wear Japanese headbands and all the idiot vendors outside selling stupid Fukudome t-shirts. When the Sox signed Shingo Takatsu in 2004, you didn’t see anyone mock his culture. He was simply a baseball player, a pretty good one, and that’s how he was treated. The Cubs fans love Fukudome because he gives them another sideshow to take their minds off of the game. They don’t like the guy because of his stellar plate discipline, they like him because they can wear racist t-shirts and hold up signs with lame puns.  It’s a testament to how perpetually ignorant the fan base is. I can’t wait until the Cubs sign an Indian shortstop in five years and everyone in the bleachers shows up with red dots on their foreheads. Morons.

-I hate the Cubs because Go Cubs Go is the worst song ever written. After Don’t Stop Believing, a lame song if there ever was one, rallied the White Sox in 2005, the Cubs dusted off that gem to give the frat boys a real reason to root for a victory: if the Cubbies win, we all get to sing!

Singing is for karaoke bars, ladies, a place Cubs fans surely stumble to afterwards because that's when the real fun begins. Never mind baseball, that only serves as the pregame for your evening bar crawl. As that one incredibly stupid shirt reads: win or lose, we still booze.

- I hate the Cubs because though it may be impossible to detest an entire cross-section of hot chicks in Chicago, the majority of the ones that attend Cubs games make such thoughts tempting. They take away seats from real Cubs fans who can’t afford a $50 ticket to sit in bleachers and spend the entire game texting while wondering when they should stand up and start clapping. If only baseball was as interesting as their facebook account, maybe things would be different. Just make sure I get tagged in these pics! Sluts.

- I hate Cubs' fans because of this point made by HJE

You cheated your way through the 2005 playoffs. And you know you did. And you’re proud of it.
Right guys, good one. Because since the Cubs have never won and never will win jack shit, any memorable moment from your franchise in the last 100 years was made by Sammy Sosa. Sammy Sosa, a guy who cheated a variety of fun and exciting ways. You know, the guy who made Wrigley cool again. Yeah, him. Sosa was a dirty cheater and all you scumbags worshiped him for five home run-filled seasons. Just like the kid who shit himself at summer camp (and I think we all know who I’m talking about here), people don’t forget.

- I hate the Cubs because all you losers think Ron Santo should be in the Hall-of-Fame. He shouldn’t. Maybe if it was the (wait for it)…Hall of Very Good, or a Hall of Fame for people who suck at radio, or a Hall of Fame for people who make Harry Carey seem competent by comparison. This old Cub should realize that he doesn’t need such recognition to validate his career, but that won’t stop him from crying in front of television cameras every time he gets passed over year after year by the Hall.

- I hate the Cubs because all you asshole fans hate Alfonso Soriano and love Reed Johnson. Don’t even try to argue that because it’s true, and it’s painfully stupid. What, you couldn’t think of a cool Dominican Republic-style accessory to wear to the game? Booooo. But hey, Reed Johnson! He’s white! He must be good at baseball! Too bad I’m so drunk and stupid that I can’t distinguish what such a skill set would look like.

Soriano might be one of the ten coolest players in baseball and you blowhards feel more comfortable with fucking Reed Johnson in left field. Now, of course, your dumbass manager hits The Fonz leadoff instead of fifth, so you don’t get him at his full value. The guy doesn’t get on-base so well but is good at hitting home runs. Hmmm….and Lou Pinella can’t figure this one out? Tell him to put down the tuna sandwich and read Moneyball. It’s a book.







32 Comments | Leave a comment



I hate the Cubs because they gave Ernie Banks a statue. He never played in one playoff game in his entire career! Only a guy with a nickname of Mr. Cub would have a stat like that.

Great article by the way. I couldn't agree more.

Don't forget about the way the Tribune Co abused their own fans by 'selling' their own tickets back to themselves at face value and then marking them up to resell to Cubs fans. Greg Couch did the reporting on this a couple of years ago and recently posted a follow-up.

I hate the Cubs because ZDubs loves them.

This was some of your best stuff until you mentioned moneyball... you had to do it rick didn't ya. Just kidding great job.

What a day, huh?

OK, I think it's fairly well established that I'm not a Cubs fan, but there are a couple of comments here I can't let go ...

The fact that Ernie Banks never made the playoffs has zilch to do with whether he was a great player (he was) and deserves a statue (ditto). The guy hit 512 homers back when that actually meant something and he played in an era when two teams made the playoffs every year, not eight like today. Plus, it really isn't his fault he played on bad teams ...

As for Santo and the Hall: No one wants to put him in as a broadcaster. If you subscribe to the theory that a guy who is a dominant player at his position over an extended period of time deserves to be in, then you have no argument against Santo. He and Brooks Robinson were the gold standard at third in their era; Robinson, arguably the best all-time at his position defensively, has been in the Hall since '83. Santo, the better hitter, deserves to be there too. End of story.

Well I guess you would know better than the rest of us, since you actually saw Santo play. But still, it's your peers who cast the HOF votes and they haven't put in with in with years of chances. I think that's telling.

Excellent article. I can't wait for all the wheels to fly off the bandwagon when they choke this season away.

If that is telling then what it says can vary quite a bit. If he was not liked because he was good then that is a pretty crappy reason not to vote for him. If he was not voted in because he was disliked by his peers then that is a pretty crappy reason, too. Likeability shouldn't be a factor in HOF voting. I think Stummerville's argument holds that, when compared to his generation, Santo should probably be inducted. I am not particularly drawn either way, I just find HOF voting to be as ridiculously arbitrary as Olympic Ice Skating. In ten years or so we may be having the same discussion about Mike Alstott. If you ask me, he is a first ballot HOFer. If you compare his statistics with running backs then he has no chance. If you view him simply by his statistics he has no chance because it does not allow for context. If, however, you look at him situationally you may find one of the most dominant and durable players in the last 15 years. Santo, if looked at by eyes from the time, who can place context and situation into the equation, probably seems like a surer lock than to the meager eyes of our callow youth and statistical history.

Three anti-Cubs posts. Three game sweep. I believe in karma... I feel as if this may be our fault.

That's actually hilarious. I like how the Sox talked tons of trash this series too then proceeded to get owned. Good times.

Rick,

As a Cubs fan, you make some great points, especially about the fans who are at the games and the constant fluctuation of love/hate with Soriano. Cubs fans who say that the Sox "cheated their way throught the playoffs" are foolish. If they are referring to Pierzynski's drop third strike, they have to realize that it was heads up on his part and another example of why you should always run out a play.

With that, I think Guillen is a fool for his comments, especially when you get swept. I understand that in his mind, he is trying to deflect attention away from his players, but it just adds another heated aspect to the series. The Sox should have won game one, but never were in games 2 and 3.

For Cubs fans out there, there should be caution as the Sox can easily reverse all the hype and sweep the Cubs at the Cell. I believe the Cubs will have Marshall and Gallagher pitching in that series and that could potentially line up at least 2 wins for the Sox.

While its nice to be 20 games over .500, Cubs fans should pay careful attention to the Brewers second half statistics last year...I've been a Cubs fan too long to get caught up in this hype...Let's see where we are in October and then start talking about the World Series...

Just wanted to say that I'm a girl and a Cubs fans and when I go to games I usually don't even bring my cell phone into games when I go. I pay attention to the game and so do a lot of my other girl friends who are Cubs fans, so I think that comment is a little unfair to say. Girl Sox fans are probably just as slutty as Cubs fans.

are you honest to god shitting me?


LET ME GUESS youre some sorry ass sox fan whos just mad cuase the sox couldnt even get close to getting fans like the cubs

and to be honest with you us cubs fans dont give a shit if we dont win something for a hundred more years were true to our team and stick with them you fuck face

It is completely true. I am a Brewers fan, and have been for years. I followed them when they sucked.

I HATE CUBS FANS because they are bandwagon fans.

One more note...the last time the cubs won a World Series Arizona was a property of the United States...


1908! THIS COULD BE YOUR YEAR, lol, idiots!

Hey Bryan, is that you hold the moron sign? Arizona became part of the union in 1912. So no, the last time the CUBS won a World Series they WERE NOT part of The United States. Make sure your dates are correct before you post. So Bryan whose the idiot? Sorry you are a Brewer fan. Things could be worse though. You could have chosen to be a White Sucks fan or a St. Loser Kardinul fan.

shawn

what do you mean it would suck to be a cardinal or a sox fan? we've got a trophy here on the south side. and last time i checked, the cardinals owned you gay northsiders in world series victories too! keep rooting for yuor loser team, your loser manager, and your loser selves. 100-years of futility WILL continue. you're precious cubs can't even beat mediocre american league teams, let alone win a world series! haha!

First off well put nick...as a cardinal fan and baseball fan..the cardinals won the most world series in the NL thats all is needed to say. second off I HATE CUB FANS, not all, but most. grace, sandberg, dawson etc, all some of my favorites growing up: as a cardinal fan. Cub fans are dicks, half couldnt tell you the starting lineup. "Derek who? o yea Lee" hes good. thats about the intelligence of cub fans, not all cub fans. The thing i hate is they brag, rub shit in, talk trash, AND FOR WHAT REASON? Grow the hell up. So i will bite my lip as the cubs continue to do well, they should with the money they spent. Dont forget cub fans, your record on the road is piss poor, look at Septembers schedule and how many games are on the road.CHOKE

Hey Cub Fans:
Got Goat?

wow that shawn dude is stupid..I can't believe he didn realize what an idiot he was when he corrected Bryan about the Arizona thing. Go back and get your GED you fucking retard

You are an idiot.

Maybe you should think about pulling for a particular team - Sox, Cards, Reds, whatever - and stop trying to tear the Cubs down. There was enough negativity in the world before your incoherent ramblings.

I hate the cubs owner, field, manager, players, logo, hats, and most of all... THE FANS

Im from Atlanta so im kind of a braves fan but I cant stand going to a game hearing the crowd cheer for them like Jordan was in town its been 100 something year i hope it continues

Cubs fans are a joke, let's through beer on the other team, yea, real classy bunch..

Mike said :

I hate the Cubs because they gave Ernie Banks a statue. He never played in one playoff game in his entire career! Only a guy with a nickname of Mr. Cub would have a stat like that.

That might be the greatest example of what a joke the Cubs are, you drunk, overweight, faces look like a hacksaw has been taken to it.

Someone has to be the LOSERS though, so good to see you guys holding down the fort. What a joke....

Don't kid yourself.

You hate the Cubs because our Sox are, always have been, and always will be an afterthought in Chicago, the city's stepchildren, and second-class citizens in their own town. And the result is an inferiority complex that not even winning a World Series a few years ago and our having gone without winning one since 1908 can help you overcome.

The inferiority complex is why you hate the Cubs.

Great article, I think you covered everything there. . . I would say freelancing is quite hard especially if you are not used to working on your own, can be quite hard to motivate yourself also. . . we all know what it is like to stare at the monitor.

That Bobby Catchings dunk sucked haha

hey so this article sucks for multiple reasons. 1) the White Sox believe that Don;t Stop Believing was specifically written for them, but guess what it wasn't and Go Cubs Go is a classic because all other fans hate it. 2)Ron Santo is in the Hall of Fame. He was a great third baseman and he gave life to the radio unlike the bores that the Sox have. 3)I hate that Sox fans assume that no Cubs fans know anyhting just because they have fun at the games and I can name the lineup top to bottom including all starters, relievers, and bench players. 4). Lastly Sox fans are pathetic that they talk about how much they hate the Cubs more than how much they love the Sox. GO CUBS GO! love you Ron Santo!!!!!!

I just think its funny that the girl said shes a cubs fan and that sox fans are prob just as slutty.. lmao.. so she just called herself a slut... right? she didn't deny it.. lmao.. thats how dumb cubs fans are folks... good one... SOX ALL DAY


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