by Friends of the Program on February 7 at 10:31PM
By Fox Mulder
Pearl Harbor… 9/11… Khryapa’s buyout…
Maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but the almost completed buyout of Viktor Khryapa’s contract is certainly a tragedy. In a season full of shitty basketball, soft injuries and zero heart, Viktor had been the one thing worth smiling about when pondering the Chicago Bulls.
The Bulls acquired Viktor for some inexplicable reason during the Lamarcus Alderidge for Tyrus Thomas trade. His numbers weren’t even that bad in ’06 with the Blazers: he saw action in 69 games; that’s 28 more than in two seasons with the Bulls. You know what the Blazers saw in him that the Bulls didn’t? Heart… or the fact that Paxson pinches his nipples when he sees fundamentally sound white guys – say hello to Tyler Hansbrough or Drew Neitzel next year! Yikes.
But in the end, it was all about dollar dollar bills ya’ll.
Geeze - stop talking about yourself for once, Viktor. He’s such an attention whore. Anyway…
Viktor was born in the city of Kiev in the former USSR. For the historically/geographically retarded, that’s the modern day capital of Ukraine, the bread basket of Europe. He says he needs to take care of his wife and infant son. He claims he is signing with a Moscow “professional” team, but if I know Viktor as well as I think (his player card was the background on my laptop for a month – so we’re pretty close), he’ll be in the fields come spring. He’s made over $3 million in his short career – if he didn’t spend it all on blue jeans and rock music, he’d have enough to get by until his contract was completed with honor. Capitalism was just too much for a simple boy from Kiev.
Paxson did the right thing, helping the kid and buying out his contract. That is to say, he did the right thing from a humanitarian standpoint. But what about me? What about fantasy teams named after Khryapa? Does Paxson actually expect me to watch the Khryapa-less Bulls? Granted, I love watching Adrian Griffin’s 12 mins-per of absolute garbage (he is always trying to prove himself with one-on-ones, but fails) or Tyrus’s inevitable spin/travel – but I can’t rely on just those brief laughs to get me through a game. The bottom line is that now there is nothing funny about the Bulls anymore. With a team this bad, a funny, likeable guy like Khryapa was the only thing worth watching for. Ain’t nothing but a heartbreak…
Oh and Paxson, kooshi govno ee oomree. Means eat shit and die in Russian.
Love,
Dave
Pearl Harbor… 9/11… Khryapa’s buyout…
Maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but the almost completed buyout of Viktor Khryapa’s contract is certainly a tragedy. In a season full of shitty basketball, soft injuries and zero heart, Viktor had been the one thing worth smiling about when pondering the Chicago Bulls.
The Bulls acquired Viktor for some inexplicable reason during the Lamarcus Alderidge for Tyrus Thomas trade. His numbers weren’t even that bad in ’06 with the Blazers: he saw action in 69 games; that’s 28 more than in two seasons with the Bulls. You know what the Blazers saw in him that the Bulls didn’t? Heart… or the fact that Paxson pinches his nipples when he sees fundamentally sound white guys – say hello to Tyler Hansbrough or Drew Neitzel next year! Yikes.
But in the end, it was all about dollar dollar bills ya’ll.
"I lost this time, two very important years," Khryapa said. "I have to work hard and sign a good deal. Right now, no one knows I'm a good player so I can't sign a good deal [in the NBA]. I have a family and have to think about the future…”
Geeze - stop talking about yourself for once, Viktor. He’s such an attention whore. Anyway…
Viktor was born in the city of Kiev in the former USSR. For the historically/geographically retarded, that’s the modern day capital of Ukraine, the bread basket of Europe. He says he needs to take care of his wife and infant son. He claims he is signing with a Moscow “professional” team, but if I know Viktor as well as I think (his player card was the background on my laptop for a month – so we’re pretty close), he’ll be in the fields come spring. He’s made over $3 million in his short career – if he didn’t spend it all on blue jeans and rock music, he’d have enough to get by until his contract was completed with honor. Capitalism was just too much for a simple boy from Kiev.
Paxson did the right thing, helping the kid and buying out his contract. That is to say, he did the right thing from a humanitarian standpoint. But what about me? What about fantasy teams named after Khryapa? Does Paxson actually expect me to watch the Khryapa-less Bulls? Granted, I love watching Adrian Griffin’s 12 mins-per of absolute garbage (he is always trying to prove himself with one-on-ones, but fails) or Tyrus’s inevitable spin/travel – but I can’t rely on just those brief laughs to get me through a game. The bottom line is that now there is nothing funny about the Bulls anymore. With a team this bad, a funny, likeable guy like Khryapa was the only thing worth watching for. Ain’t nothing but a heartbreak…
Oh and Paxson, kooshi govno ee oomree. Means eat shit and die in Russian.
Love,
Dave
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Comments
"if he didn’t spend it all on blue jeans and rock music"- That is every young Russian/Ukrainian's dream when they grow up.
BobbyStompy
said
This post was hilarious.
But I hate Khryapa and I'm glad he's gone forever.
Veektor makes that same face when he's fucking your girlfriend.