Mind of Money: the final chapter

I recently fired short lived columnist Eddie Money from this site for producing nothing stripper jokes and pictures of fat babies. Here is his final post, which led me to fire him.

The Bears definitely did not lose this week, thanks to a a bye week.
But that doesn't mean they took the week off. They took this week as a
chance to work on the one thing worse then their offense. Their
partying skills.

    This week in practice Lovie set up drills that would fine tune the
Bears into world class party animals. Here is a look at some of the
drills they went over this week.

Lovie noticed that the players were suffering from a lack of making it
rain. So he invited world class rain maker, Gerald T. Miliwich to step
up and teach the boys a thing or two. The team took a field trip to the
world class, Industrial Strip off the highway on the way to Indiana.
Devin Hester was the standout player in this category. He lead the team
with $82,329 thrown into the air and $3200 shoved somewhere between the
strippers ass and g-string. Coming in second with an honorable mention
was none other then Virginia McCasky. She reportedly dropped $45,000
dollars to see a Drilldo show.

The second drill that day focused on something that the great Walter
Payton perfected as a Bear. I'm talking about the spin and chug, that's
right I said it. The clear star in this category was Big Dogg Kyle
Orton. Kyle surpassed the record held by the great Walter Payton. Orton
managed to do 463 spin and chugs, and still was able to get a boner to
fuck a very unattractive 40 year old. ( Walter Payton's record was only
50.) Orton is clearly on his way to becoming an MVP.

The third and final drill that day was the most important drill to an
NFL player. If you guessed evading police then you're correct. Lovie
needed someone with experience so he had Lance Briggs teach the boys in
blue how to properly evade police, and make it look really cool while
your doing it. G-Reg Olsen was the clear standout in this category. He
cited his short stint as a 7th Floor Crew rapper for his evading
skills. This drill quickly got out of hand when Robbie Gould punched
out a Police officer and took a picture with his nuts on the officers
head. I swear to God this happened, I am not making this up. Gould was
not arrested because while he did this, he was wearing a fake mustache,
and everyone knows you can't get into trouble or be arrested if your
wearing an awesome mustache.

This guy also punched a cop but he doesn't have a mustache. What a
douchebag.

By Eddie Money

Eddie Money also sent in this photo. He claims this baby looks like Chris Farley.